Thank God I Am Sober To Experience This Sadness

 I am really thankful I am sober. And I am sober to experience such a great pain of loss. My girlfriend has decided she needs to move in another direction. I certainly believed we had a connection from all of our conversations, even though it's been little more than 6 weeks. I didn't listen enough obviously. I truly believed my love would be enough to break through the hurts of her heart. Alas. thankfully we are still friends although she doesn't want to pray nightly anymore. 

I really believe she is The Love Of My Life. Grand? No. The truth, yes. I so appreciated each and every moment I was honoured to spend with her. I am saddened deeply now.

I have to keep this blog real and share the deep emotions I am experiencing now, and doing so soberly. This blogging helps me understand better. Understand better so much of what I heard and did not listen to. I am so tho.

I have offered her to call me if she wants to communicate with me. I am absolutely dying inside. Absolutely dying inside. Thanking God I am sober even though the pain of loss of this relationship hurts me so deeply. I have never loved so deeply before. This woman is incredibly beautiful in so many ways and doesn't even realize it. She impresses me every time she prays because she knows the bible so well. She impresses me for the broad expanse of knowledge she knows. She impresses me with her perseverance in the face of so much adversity and succeeding. Her strength of resolve to survive includes reducing us to a friendship status, for her personal survival. I cannot deny her survival especially when I cannot provide her the Maslow's needs she has shared with me that she needs. However she feels, I feel that other than my sobriety, I have failed at all else. I will survive because I am sold on my sobriety. Convicted to my sobriety. No matter how pained I am so feeling all over my body. I have not experienced such pain of loss since my mom's death, four month's into my sobriety. I am so so sad. I have never loved another so purely as I love this woman. I am sad. I am sober so I will survive this too. I just wish I was in the position to assist my girlfriend in surviving too.

I am so so sad. I am also sober so eventually this sadness will eventually subside some. Thank God  I am sober, but I just plain old hurt right now to my core.

Thank God I Am Sober. I Am Sober And Free At Last. Although deeply hurting I will survive eventually. A piece of me has died this weekend and I am hurting sorely. Thank God Almighty I Am Sober At Last. And hurting.