Okay yes I had this sleep issue since at least October. I's killing me. Now add serious depression from My Love's choice for us to slow down to friends. It is already killing me inside with sadness. She has no control on this. I do. And I am unable to feel the way that I do. I feel as though I have the greatest love of my life. I woke up crying missing her. I am telling you for whatever reason I am at least tied to her very deeply. I feel her pain of decision Friday and Saturday while she was experiencing pain of having to make a decision to only be friends through what is best for her and coercion. I hurt so deeply that she needs to lower herself to survive. I offered her to sell all I could to support her. She told me no. To move into a better place to live. I personally believe the vest place to move into is with her to build a life. Pity sadness deep that she chose the other guy so she can live, instead of choosing me and love. I cannot bring her what she needs which is true love when she feels a need to just survive and not love and survive. I am so sad she has been so hurt for her life. Beyond all of my prayers I pray she is no longer hurting and wants to be loved and to love again. As this goes on I wonder when I will stop feeling as though I have died inside?
At least I may be sober dealing with my pains I am experiencing, but my sorrow is so great. I am going to try to go back to sleep. It is 0700 and I am exhausted. I need to work soon. I have to survive as well without My Love. I am sad. At least I am sober to feel the sadness I am experiencing. I am tired of crying and wonder when this pain and loss feeling will go away? Please pray for my health and also for my pain and hurt to go away. Please pray for me to sleep.
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