Building. Loving. Praying. I Have Never Loved Another Such As I Love My Lovely Sweetness.

 I am praying emotional stability throughout my day. What is it? How to build mine stronger? How to view what I need to fix, build stronger what is good, and discard what is harmful. And of course will it be enough. Am I enough? And is my sadness appropriately being shown? Am I man enough? Is it okay for me to be sad? It's not about me anyway. It is about her needs. What does she need and how can I provide for her what she needs? Am I emotionally stable enough? My two and dear female friends share with me that I need do more. 

I am loving Sweetness throughout the day and praying unceasingly for her peace, wellness, and strength to carry her through with courage.  Of course I pray for her. I feel such a connection. A deeply unabating connection. Last night I was feeling so down. And then suddenly a whoosh of Heavenly peace washed over me. Like a wave of peacefulness, and I suddenly felt calm and at peace. I knew My Love was praying for me then. I text her, "You must be praying real hard?" She replied, "Y" And I replied, "I can feel your prayers." "Good." She replied. Sweetness has never shared with me if she can feel me too as I can feel her from a distance. 

I have never been angry or upset with her decision for a step back. I am solely responsible for how I feel and no one else. That I hurt is my responsibility and they are my feelings. No she has not hurt me by what she needs to do; I can only love her more and let go. I cannot hold her back from her decision of what she must do to survive. It is her life and never mine. Yes I'd like to join my life with hers and vice a versa however, it is still her life and my life incorporated into something greater. Maybe not forever, but why not till the ending days of one of us. Isn't that "forever"?

Alas, I am grateful for this blog. I utilize it now as I did in the past. To better understand my thoughts. To better understand my sober thought more in particular. To better understand my life better. And especially now to better understand what my life needs improving upon. Most especially now how I can build myself stronger. Strong enough to truly be emotionally stable enough to be the man my Sweetness needs and most importantly a man she deserves. Me. A better me. A me who is emotionally stable. 

I am praying nonstop for the health, wellbeing, strength, soul, heart, mind, body, her very depth I pray for because I truly, honest to God love her. And I am praying for her future happiness regardless of whether we will ever return to being us. 

I love her enough to seek out the life she needs and wants for her best interest.  I love Sweetness so much I am prepared to sadly watch her depart from my life and move away. I desire her to be happy wherever she needs to go to be happy. I love her that much unconditionally. 

If she were not happy building a life with me, I would regret holding My Love back from what she desires. Whatever she desires and makes her happy ultimately will bring me the greatest happiness. Writing this paragraph here is making me cry so hard that I am having trouble seeing the keyboard. I really want and need for My Love to be happiest where she needs to be. I love her that much.  Thank God Almighty I  Am Sober. Thank God Almighty I am sober to feel such depth of emotion for another human being enough to desire more than what I want or need, in order that My Love is truly Happy with her life. I desire her happiness above mine when it comes to this relationship. I desire My Love's happiness more than mine; is an emotion I have never felt for another. I desire My Love's happiness.

Thank God Almighty I am sober. I have never felt such love for another human being besides my daughters. I have never loved another such as I love My Love.

Goodnight. Maybe tonight is the night I will sleep restfully. Time will tell.

I have never honestly loved another unconditionally such as I love My Love.

God Almighty please bring My Love your unconditional and everlasting peace.

God Almighty please bring My Love your unconditional and everlasting peace.

God Almighty please bring My Love your unconditional and everlasting peace. Amen.