30 December 2020
27 December 2020
Ya'Know,
I Do Not want my daughter to inherit more than the $10.00 I gave her. Sweetness has treated more kindly in the 7 weeks I have known her than my daughter has cared about me other than for money in almost twenty years. Why would I want my daughter to receive anything other than ten bucks. Sweetness gets everything and my insurance.
It is what it is Blue.
26 December 2020
Rewrite of ???I Do Not Know What The Future Holds???I Am Sad.
So reread the rewrite of
???I Do Not Know What The Future Holds???I Am Sad.
Please Reread My First Post Today As Significant Changes Were Made If'n You're Receiving This Blog To Your Email Address Directly.
Please Reread My First Post Today As Significant Changes Were Made If'n You're Receiving This Blog To Your Email Address Directly.
The Post is titled:::
Will She Give Up On Me? I persevere on for from my deepest heart of heart, I love as I have never loved before, as I love "My Little Gift From God."
24 December 2020
Always Hoped To Help. A Grateful Sober Alcoholic.
Always hoped my blog would help others. When I was writing this initially I had a following, although nobody ever commented. Guess nobody I know who had read this ever found anything worth talking about with me to ever make a comment and no-one ever has. Recognizing I wrote this all along for me. Quite a learning experience. My writing this was another aid in getting me to sobriety. Bummer nobody ever found anything in here worth talking about with me who knows me in person. I guess that is what my lessons about this blog have come down too, my sobriety is most important to me and there will never be a way for me to interest anyone into a conversation about anything I have to say about sobriety, let alone my sobriety.
My takeaway from all of my writing on this blog is that my sobriety is most important to me first, as it truly can only be. I can invite others to read and respond on what I have to say about me and my life sober, and what lead me to the bottle and back. Of what I found out about myself from just laying out my thoughts onto this form is that I love being sober. I disdain ever the thought of ever consuming alcohol again. Let somebody else take on the burden and see what will happen will happen. My daughter laughed at me when while in my first months of sobriety as she shared laughingly that she drank alcohol and then asked me what was I going to do about it. I responded then as I do now, "She knows what she is getting into."
At least my girlfriend accepts me for me. A sober alcoholic. A grateful sober alcoholic.
23 December 2020
03 December 2020
My Return To Love. It Is So Bright And Wonderful A Journey.
The doubt that I will ever be loved by a woman who accepts that I am a recovery sober alcoholic unfortunately, has been long persistent. There is risk in dating anyone, and there is more risk when the other is a sober alcoholic in recovery. This I am aware of and yet my heart longs for a partner with whom to grow. I have searched far and wide where to find the woman God has blessed me to meet. Thousands of internet dating connections and communications with woman from several sites since my quitting the booze 6 August 2014, has taught me many women will not date recovering and sober alcoholics. Talk about bringing personal doubt strong into play. Talk about sadness that I am viewed as broken and unworthy, and or too much of a risk; sometimes with almost that verbiage too. It is what it is. I am Gratefully Sober/Recovering, not numbing myself from reality anymore.
The world I see now is very wide open, without the shuttering by a blurry wall of alcohol. My love of for life has so very much grown as my journey of sobriety progresses. Recognizing my two marriages were to abusive narcists, brought me an amazing amount of liberty from my past and incredible positive growth forward for me. However, the sorrow, pain, and degradation from the last woman and narcist I dated, brought me freedom to understand my past mistakes and walk away in such a way with my head held high showing my pride in of living soberly.
Scared, sad, determined, and motivated, I recognized that my initial cessation from addiction began my brain's changing its neural chemical messaging. Messaging my brain had not experienced in many decades of my dependence upon intoxication. Add then two friend's and both parent's deaths in my first 5 month's of sobriety, and standing proud sober I knew I was free from drowning my sorrows, fears, doubts, loneliness, and life: I was keenly aware that same resilience/coping skills which I kept throughout all of those initial "triggers", were the same tools which I could achieve my lifelong dream of sobriety forever. However, those chemical changes take months and months unbeknownst to me. Added then also three failed (2015, 2016, and 2017) attempts to thru-hike the Pacific Crest Trail, Add my daughter's 2016 telling me she would never speak to me again in life, Add my Aunt's and two more friend's deaths, Add not being hired for several jobs because I was told I was too old. Add 2017's realization my daughter was serious, Add my good friend Cory dying from his alcoholism and my energy expelled bring him to a peaceful last two days toward his death, Add meeting energy draining several women, Add too many women sharing with me they wouldn't date a sober/recovery alcoholic no matter how long I was. AND Add my beginning a relationship with a WWP "woman with potential" to be a good partner; Instead of a relationship with a woman with whom we shared in building our potential together one day at a time.
AND boom I began justifying and accepting inappropriate behaviours and anger which continued to happen. Not that she ever apologized truthfully or fully, instead almost always insisting I was in the wrong. I was drowning in what I now recognize as a "midlife" crisis and needing to hold onto something more than the broken dreams and promises I held onto. The rope I thought was keeping me from drowning, was instead anchoring me deeper into my depression. CUT her loose as a significant other mid-2018. Only afterwards upon sharing and talking with many women of my experiences with WWP, did I begin learning and growing.
Had to pull my ass out of my pits of depression using the same steely determination and resolve with which I broke free six years ago from my intoxication. ADD freedom from WWP: ADD two years of freedom discovering who I am, And Add knowing my own self-worth.
AND after two years of exploring myself deeply, learning my minimums I am willing to accept from a relationship, cutting ties with my past sorrows and broken promises to myself and others.
ADD my willingness of and to change for me first: and for the life I want to share with a woman with whom we share thoughts, desires for and of life.
ADD a very special lady, My Sweetness. We share so much thoughts, feelings, expressions, beautifulness, and desire of and for life. AND most importantly our shared pronouncement of our Christian Faith as Anglicans, through daily prayer and church attendance.
And so now please ADD,
My return to Love. It is so bright and wonderful a journey. Who know what the future holds? Day by day as it unfolds it is so new and brighter day, each and everyday with My Sweetness and Love. Who knows what the future holds except My Sweetness and me day by day. And day by day my appreciation of who My Sweetness is within her self of self grows. Who knows how long we have. Daily I thank God for the day, and that she and I are together today. Who knows about tomorrow. I Celebrate Today My Return to Love.
Thank you Sweetness for today. X.O. My Sweetness. Lovingly, King Friday
<3
Return to Love (Christmas Version) Andrea Bocelli
https://youtu.be/kmKaBYZgxpY
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