Profound Impact. Valid & Invalid- Reasons v. Excuses. It Is What It Is.

Should've.
Would've.
Could've.

I should have stopped drinking sooner than I did.  I couldn't.  I didn't.  I didn't until I had really hit what for me was the bottom.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I didn't have a valid reason, only invalid reason's to continue drinking.  I stopped drinking alcohol once I accepted that my excuses for consuming alcohol had no valid reason anymore.  My life was a walk in hell which I ceased walking through when I ceased drinking.  Profound impacts happened in my life for which I had no blame nor fault, such as the two assaults against me during my youth: by an adult relative, and a dentist while I was under gas.  Being raised in an environment in which I did not feel safe enough to share with my father or mother did not help.  Being five years old and then eight and from a home environment where obedience was best, I carried with me the profound impact, both valid and invalid with reason and excuse for my later repression and drinking.

******(For me finally releasing my feelings of guilt re: my assaults is Awesome.  It is a release for me that I was not responsible for at least these actions against me in my life that is immeasurable.  Accountability for what I am responsible for is right.  Release from the wrongful actions placed upon me by others is liberating.  Acceptance of my wrongs done to others and myself is liberating also.  Accepting what I cannot change and what I can has been liberating for me at so many different personal levels.  I feel "safe" making this declaration here as I am sort of anonymous and this is my forum and I am legally accountable for the content here.  It is what it is.)******(A socially upline friend of mine spoke publicly of his assault by a male relative at the Oklahoma Responsible Father Initiative Conference several years ago and I envisioned a day when I could do so also.  Here I am doing so now.  And yet the little boy in me is still afraid.   It is what it is.  I walk on now with my head held high.  I am victorious.  I am sober.)******

And too every failure, feeling of failure, feelings of inferiority, reinforced by P.E. teachers, school nurses, teachers, and bullies (until H.S. began) at school.  I had no feeling of safety while young; the cradle of alcohol felt soothing by my sophomore year of high school when I began developing liquor stores to personally purchase hard liquor from.  Dad knew of my purchases at the liquor stores when I placed wine in his wine rack.  The restaurant where my high school soccer coach was chef, I was allowed one beer an hour for a total of two beers as a high school junior and senior.
Throw in I didn't recognize I had P.T.S.D. from eight years of working as an I.C.U. Tech.  Not having insurance nor sick or vacation time when I injured my back (while a waiter) ten years ago and suffered nerve pain, had the profound impact, both valid and invalid with the reasons and excuses needed by me to continue my excessive drinking.  My drinking became its own profound impact with its own valid and invalid reasons and excuses.
My ex-mother-in-law apologised to me last month for the umpteenth time in years; for her daughter causing parent-alienation syndrome (click=>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation_syndrome) since 1998 (Her daughter, my ex-wife, hasn't spoken to her mother in almost a decade.)  My alcoholism did have profound impact upon my relationship with my child, although I do not know what nor how as of yet.  My child is yet to want and begin any open dialogue or begin any relationship building.  I pray I will live long enough to enjoy the experience.
I await the building time prayerfully optimistic.
My priest councils me that the relationship building will take time.
My child's time.
Alas.
I should have stopped drinking sooner.
I couldn't.
I didn't.
I didn't until I really hit my bottom.
Until I couldn't take it anymore.
Until I didn't have a valid reason to continue drinking.
Until only invalid reason's remained why I should continue drinking.
Until I stopped drinking alcohol.
Until I accepted my excuses for consuming alcohol
had no valid reason anymore.

My life is an awesome walk now.
An awesome walk now.
Somethings I had, have had, now have, always have had control of.
Somethings I never did, never have, never would, never will.
For the things I had control over, I have control of,
I happily accept responsibility for.
For what is mine I accept ownership of.
Did.
Done.

For the things I never had control over,
"It is what it is."
For everything else,
"It is what it is."

I am victorious in life.
I am sober.
Did.
Done.

IMA SOBERALCOHOLIC'S THEOREM NUMBER ONE:

I am so lucky to have succeeded academically for my first three and a half years as a full-time university student.  I have mentioned in my previous blogs that this was also during my last three and a half years of binge drinking alcoholism.
The changing of my thinking through my academic pursuit before I quit drinking,
and the continued changing of my thinking post sobering up as I continued my academic pursuit;
I believe contributed significantly to my continued sobriety.
Sobering up addicts from any addiction must change their thinking.
Although I don't recommend full-time university studies for everybody,
I do recommend some mental challenges with sobriety's changes.
This is the reason I have created, Ima Soberalcoholic's Theorem Number One.

IMA SOBERALCOHOLIC'S THEOREM NUMBER ONE:
Mental calisthenics if you will; the one, two, three boost of creating new axon and dendritic connections needed for continuing sobriety.  I believe one necessary addition to cessation of the addictive property(s), is the necessity to create new pathways for which sober thought to travel through.  The best way to begin accomplishing this is for the initiant to sobriety to begin mental calisthenics.  Working math problems of varying degrees of difficulties, reading and then writing about the reading, and doing something as complex as shuffling cards and playing solitaire.  Bottom line is that the recovering mind of the addiction quitters, must change many different cerebral areas in their acquisition and accomplishment of tasks in new and variable ways.  This learning I believe will assist the recovering addict learn and succeed not only in their remaining sober, but also in new challenges as they present themselves through life.

The only way to begin working on I.S. THEOREM NUMBER ONE is:

Begin by quitting what you gotta quit.  

Quitting anyway you can is the best way to quit.

Get help to stay there.

Minute by minute.

Hour by hour.

Day by day.

Repeat for your lifetime.

T.T.F.N.

Ten Days Now Again.

So did you wonder if I had begun drinking again since I haven't posted anything in ten days and then opened with the title that I did?
No is the answer as I remain thankfully celebrating sobriety as a bride.  Awesome embracement of awesome sobriety.  Now that I did not write for ten days well, I've been applying for jobs as I am still woefully underemployed as a recent university graduate.
I've been working on another blog which I also own the dot com for also.  That blog is "What All Men Really Want", and will have advertisement.  This site will always remain advertisement free.  Helping others come to and remain sober is my one goal here on "Strength In The Forage Of Sobriety."

Two years and nineteen days sober today. Yes it's work, but anything worth having takes learning, relearning, time, and work.  I am sober. Yes Thank God Almighty I Am Sober At Last.  Please join me if'n you will.  It's the place to be.

I'll write more tomorrow.  I promise.
Peace and staying sober always.
Love,
Ima Soberalcoholic

Who Am I? What I Am. I Am More.

What I am.
I enjoy passenger railway travel.
I set a goal 16 years ago to visit every state; modifying that to include as many state capitols, including my child while they matured through schooling; taking them to 41/46 Amtrak states and 32 U.S. State capitols.
I've been to 47/50 states and 37 state capitols.
I have written poetry for years, and obviously I blog.
I enjoy hiking and keep plans for an eventual walk of the PCT.

Who am I?
I do volunteer work for the public schools.
I have my political thoughts.
I have protested courthouses for the loss of "Father's Rights" to anti-family court; and was a class action member suing my state in Federal Court.  We had 34/50 states being sued in Federal Court. They ruled you cannot sue "state entities." Oh well.
I garden organically.

What I am.
Lover of native artifacts and old industrial items.
Lover of animals however, meat is on my diet.
Lover of art through almost the full gamut.
Lover of all ranges of music and poetry.
Lover of life.
Lover of Christianity.
Lover of sobriety.

Who am I?
I am a sober alcoholic
However
That is only
ONE
Component of what I am.
Amongst
Many
Many
Many other things
I am also
A sober alcoholic.

Thank you for reading this blogger's blog.
I bid you always peace.
Until next time as always,
Love,
Ima Soberalcoholic

So Says Ima SoberAlcoholic!

Yes

---

Yes 

Thank God Almighty 

I Am Sober At Last 

To The Last 

Which Will Last 

Until My Last 

Day.

SO SAYS IMA SOBERALCOHOLIC

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I am still amazed at the number of drunk posts on social media.  I am also surprised by the numbers of people now willing to publicly post of their sobriety.  I am still hesitant to do so.  Maybe for my third anniversary 6 August 2017 while on the Pacific Crest Trail with my soberalcoholic friend, Grey Wolf.  That's my assigned name for him anyway.   We'll see how he likes it when he reads my blog lol:^O

I always private message congratulations to those who post of their anniversaries of my pride in their accomplishments.  Remember please and do the same when you see posts of sobriety.

Every little bit helps. Day by day.

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Yes

---

Yes 

Thank God Almighty 

I Am Sober At Last 

To The Last 

Which Will Last 

Until My Last 

Day.

So says Ima Soberalcoholic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Chance

Isn't it about time 

you to give somebody you know 

who is sober now

And wasn't then

Another chance.

My Door Is Always Open For You. Come On In

My Door Is Always Open For You. Come On In

(An open letter to a relative)

I love you more than anybody I've ever known. Someday sooner than you'll realize those of us older than you will die.  You'll never know what awesomeness you'll never learn from us.  You won't know until then what you lost now.  Please make sure you understand  the ramifications of your withdrawal of contact from us now To better understand your loses later in life.  Love and like are inseparable as day and night.  I was wrong.  My door is always open for you.  Come on in.

If Words Are Weapons Then Addiction is Death And Sobriety Is Life.

Word's are weapons which can hurt.

Word's are kindness which can help.

Dependant upon delivery.

Addiction is death slowly, surely.

Oh sure we can handle our addiction.

We can handle our consumption.

Truth be told, I could not.

I developed a patina which lied to the wearer.

I lied to myself.  I lied to others.

Word's are truth with which we can reach for life.

Word's are weapons with which we can build ourselves strong again.

Word's we tell ourselves are the truth with which we will build ourselves strong again with.

Love yourself.

Love others.

Watch those word's of yours to keep

Yourself and other's strong.

Love yourself

Love others

With your words.

Want It. Feel It. Find It. Earn It. Own It. Sobriety

Read about Andrew Zimmern's transformation to sobriety=>Read And Watch Andrew Zimmern Talk About His Sobriety. 

Read about Stephen King's transformation, fear, and sobriety=>Stephen King The Drunk Master Of Thrillers Who Can't Recall Most Of The Eighties 

WANT IT.

FEEL IT.

FIND IT.

EARN IT.

OWN IT.

SOBRIETY.

8+8=16. But One May Get You.

One may be the loneliest number that you've ever seen; as the song lyric went.
Alcoholism is the vehicle which will drive you to that number.
Hop off that vehicle and ride sobriety for awhile.

Eight plus eight may equal sixteen,
However,
One bottle may also equal death.

Celebrate sobriety.
The numbers will always add up better
Than one bottle.

Two years and two days for me now.
Let's make the number of sobriety grow
To two and three and four in ad finem...
Join me in celebrating sobriety.

The Day After

God's blanket of peace and loving Grace 

Saves me from the stress and temptation evil throws at me. 

I'm very committed to sobriety. 

 It is the bride mentioned in the bible for me. 

Sobriety is my lifetime partner.
Ima Soberalcoholic!

6 August 2016. Equal To My Birthday

AWESOME CELEBRATION.  Awoke early, made breakfast and coffee.  Called my Brotherman and we set the early afternoon for adventure.  He's sober now almost a month...bird's of a feather. I was given a $15 gift card for a buffalo wings restaurant, Brotherman was given a $15 gift card for a national coffee chain, and I had two coupons for free asian chicken lettuce wraps from another food concept.

Of we went first to his bank out in the south part of our city.  Then a nice visit for a iced coconut milk caramel macchiato and blueberry scone. (Personal note: Way too many Americans pronounce scones, [sk-own], when most everybody else in all of the English speaking world pronounces them correctly as [sk-on].  After completing our iced coffee break, we began our slow return northward by driving a few miles and stopped for some buffalo chicken wings.  After some finger licking goodness (not the colonel's) we then continued on to our Asian restaurant destination where took our food to go. 

A visit to the river and watching the water flow by, the runners run by, and the birds and squirrels foraging, while we enjoyed a cigar was awesome.

After returning brotherman home, I returned home to enjoy ready some science and gardening magazines.

Gloriously I remember everything I did today.  Loving life. Living life. Enjoying life one day at a time soberly.

Be sober. 

Be vigilant. 

Alcohol is out there. 

Be sober. 

Be vigilant. 

Celebrate sobriety daily.

And so ends my second year and begins my third year of sobriety.

AWESOME CELEBRATION.

I Was So Hammered

Yes siree.  
Two years ago tonight I was so hammered.  
I don't even remember much about that evening.
Tonight I returned home from work, pet my cat after I cleaned his litter box, and awaited my priest's arrival and our dinner out.  
We celebrated his 31 July birthday and well as mine.  
We also celebrated my two years of sobriety.
Tonight's sleep is going to be so awesome.  
I am sober, full, and happy.
Life is awesome now even when the day is meh because I am no longer poisoning myself to death...
You know, with the stuff commonly called beer, wine, and spirits.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes

---

Yes 

Thank God Almighty 

I Am Sober At Last 

To The Last 

Which Will Last 

Until My Last 

Day.

Looking On The Bright Side Of Life. Thank You Mom.

I have always tried to look on the bright side of things.  That's how I further convinced myself that I was not a practicing alcoholic for all those years.

Looking on the bright side of things now is even better as there is No fog from intoxication interfering my vision.  Looking on the bright side now helps me look past the sorrows I have and have caused when I was a practicing alcoholic, helping me make the corrects which are possible. Looking on the bright side helps me remain soberly victorious.  Oh sure there are bumps in the roadway along the way, however these are not a magnitude 9 interference anymore.  I have learned and continue learning how to successfully hurdle the challenges of life now with sobriety.

Mom always looked from and projected an aura of positivity by exampling the brighter side of life.  Only those of us very close to her learned of her rare projections of non-positivity during mom's last twenty-five years of life through three successful cancer victories and into her four battle which she lost to cancer.  3:1 victories against cancer is a pretty awesome scorecard for most everything else in life.  With cancer a loss is well deadly.  Mom lost with grace and always maintaining a positive attitude though to the point where she could not respond but was still responsive.  I learned lots about looking on the bright side of life.  Bummer that I cannot share with her my sobriety except to her in heaven.  I am so grateful that mom taught me so ardently though example how to always through everything look on the bright side of life.

Mom I thank you for helping me continue and learn about looking from the brighter side of life.

My mom is dead and I can not share with her, my victories of sobriety;
so I will share with you.
Always no matter what nor through what, look on the bright side of life.

Tomorrow And Two Years Of Finding Strength In The Forage Of Sobriety. The Brightest Side Of Life.

Thank you one and all for reading my blog.  From the looks of things it is indeed the one of you besides bots who is reading this.  Oh well.  It is what it is.

I began writing this blog in an attempt to spread the word about sobriety.  I will continue to do so as I have discovered in the process of blogging that this blog helps me also.  Everytime I log in as Ima Soberalcoholic I have the positive reinforcement of writing "I am a Sober alcoholic."  Doesn't matter if anybody reads this because I am a sober alcoholic.  Now I also want to make a connection with at least one other practicing alcoholic and help in at least part with my words of encouragement; and so I continue my blogging about celebrating sobriety.  And wishing it was socially acceptable to do so loudly and proudly proclaiming that through the strength in the forage of sobriety, I am sober.  Thank God Almighty, I Am Sober At Last.

Today two years ago was my last day of binging and I drank about 750ml in those four or five hours of last drinking.  Before bed I looked at the bottle with its remaining few ounces and said aloud, "F*** it.  I'm quitting tomorrow so I'll get rid of this by drinking it now so I won't have anymore."

Boom-bomb-sniggity-dawg and now tomorrow is my second anniversary of sobriety.

If you think you have a drinking problem you might have one.  Honestly examine yourself, a personal inventory if you will, and discover whether or not you might be a practicing alcoholic.  Break free from the slavery, be honestly honest with yourself and attend meeting of whatever kind or quit through your own volition and determination with yourself.

However you quit, quitting is best and the first step back to The Brightest Side Of Life.

I will indeed continue my blogging about celebrating sobriety and wishing it was socially acceptable to do so loudly and proudly proclaiming that through strength in the forage of sobriety, I am sober. Yes Indeed Thank God Almighty, I Am Sober At Last.