Well remaining friends with my girlfriend is better than not remaining friends. I am sad and feel an overwhelming loss. I ache deeply from all of this. I cannot lie to you whoever you are reading this. I pray I succeed. Time will tell. I am deeply sad that my love is not enough. I am praying that my friendship and loving her enough to back off, will grant her the time to realize the true depth and meaning of my feelings about her. That my love is true and unabating. for her. And then again that might not be enough. Time will tell.
What time has told me is that I am forever grateful that I am sober. And when God takes me home, He will do so quickly and without my suffering. I cannot be a burden on anyone. I came into this world alone and I will exit it alone. Sure does suck all in all and it is what it is. I am sober Thank God Almighty. Not an option to return to drinking no matter how down I am. I will hold my head high, higher, highest, because I love her unconditionally, and I will do my best to surpass her expectations. Failure is not an option and I pray my sticking with my true love will return us both multiple fold over with happiness; God willing and My Love finally knowing in her heart how purely I love her.
Maybe my love is not enough for she and I to build a closer and stronger life as one together: but I am in no way going to fail in fulfilling her request for time and distance. Oh how I pray that distance makes her heart grow fonder and not go yonder.
So with open arms I will continue to dance with My Love, My Sweetness, for whom I feel so fortunate to be blessed with knowing. Time may tell, though my heart is bursting to know the unknown. If my unconditional love meets My Loves needs. I love her purely enough to give her the time and space she asks for she needs.
Maybe I will sleep tonight. Maybe not. I am exhausted and need my sleep. I am sad to my very core of my being. I am optimistic and alive so I still have a chance to build stronger a loving relationship with her.
And I will fall asleep with her in my heart. My Love, My Sweetness. And I will fall asleep comforted in knowing she has not totally stricken our return to love. I love her so purely deeply that letting her go is all I can do now. And pray to God thanking Him for the short blessing of time when we were us. Time will tell. And I will fall asleep praying for her as I have since we met, unceasingly.
Time will tell if our love was meant to be longer than a flash in the night. I sure do love her that I know. I also know none of these feeling would have been possible without my living a sober walk in life with Jesus. Yes I am sober at last and loving life even when it gets me down. I grow stronger daily. I never will go back to drinking. I deserve more. My Love deserves more.
And It's just killing me that I should not tell her that I love her even though I do. I so do. I want to look into her eyes and touch her dimples and tell her how much I love her. I am sad. I am happy.
Time will tell. And I need to give her room to grow and know if we can be us again.
Thank God Almighty I am free at last and sober.
And I will fall asleep praying for her as I have since we met, unceasingly. And I will fall asleep holding her in prayer since that is the only way I can still hold her. And I will fall asleep dreaming about the fun we shared. and I will fall asleep sad.
And sober.
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