Je' Me' Souviens.

 I myself remember once when long ago and far away several different girlfriends tell me they needed to take a step back from our relationship, and my Neurodivergent Asppy brain went into overtime thought processing. Having learned so much about myself and also understanding myself better first and foremost from My Lady. Secondly watched "Big Bang Theory" with My Lady helps me identify my thinking better. Helps me identify my thought processing and how and what I need to change in the processing. And so being blessed with introduction to this incredible beautiful lady, I so don't want to repeat any of my mistakes from once upon a time in my younger years.  So different learning to process differently. So different and wonderful loving myself richly. So wonderful being friends with such a differently specially blessed wonderful loving rich human being. Okay so she's not perfect. However she is perfect in my eyes. The deepness of her soul richly blessed in love by God. How can I not love to continue sharing the words best friends. I love her that much. I myself remember her hand in mine. I remember laughter as we laughed together so many blessed times. And her laughter is magic to my soul. Her gaze my everything.

I myself remember because of my neural differences and my recall abilities. I am remembering so many wonderful conversations, movies, texts, our bicycle ride, road trips, sharing about our lives. sharing our loves, fears........ I myself remember my mistakes; times when instead of making her life easier, I made it difficult, especially when my hormones were fluctuating so vastly with my losing weight.  I myself remember her hand in mine. I remember laughter as we laughed together so many blessed times. And her laughter is magic to my soul. Her gaze my everything.

At this point I never want to love this way again. I am so sad. I will rise above in time I pray. Though I now understand the several men and woman who lost by whatever reason the one they loved and chose to remain single for their life's duration. My West Coast friend tried to tell me that I shouldn't date until I got my life in order. I thought my life was in order. I didn't realize she meant financially too. I don't have any security to offer another human let alone for myself. So how could I go into a relationship again knowing I only have love to offer, and that security is awesome however, it doesn't provide any living money. And so at this point I never want to love this way again. I myself remember her hand in mine. I remember laughter as we laughed together so many blessed times. And her laughter is magic to my soul. Her gaze my everything.

I will get over this I am sure. Though not sure how long for I feel sad right now.

Thank God Almighty I Am Sober At Last. Living And Loving Life.

Her gaze my everything.