I Do Not Feel Like I Am Doing It Right.

 I don't feel like I am being a good enough partner to my lady. Being in a deep caring relationship is quite new to me. I only know how to love as much as I feel, and as I have observed those married folks I observed to learn from positive loving relationships on how to care for one's partner. I only know how to love as I have relearned how to love especially since I have lived soberly. Especially since actively learning how to love another. Doing caring deeds, trying to relearn my thinking so it is always positive, and I fail many times. 

It is not that I do not want to become a better communicating man, it is that it is difficult for me to relearn my brains thinking patterns quickly enough. And I fail to change fast enough which leads to my frustration that I am not relearning quickly enough, that the most wonderful love I have experienced will fall away because of my failing how to relearn so much of my thinking needing relearning. 

Yes we are two in this relationship however I am talking about me doing my best and not failing. Failing is the word I use because if I have not succeeded then I have failed. I am trying to be far far less black and white. Another relearning I feel unsuccessful at yet, quickly enough. Learning how to meet her love needs is more difficult than I thought than I thought how to meet another's love needs; and this leaves me feeling there's lot's of opportunity for my development in learning how to successfully understand enough to be an awesome loving partner. 

So worrying that I am not enough is what's up. Keeping my head up that I can change fast enough, well enough to be be at least enough of a partner for my lady. And more on that as I am able to comprehend more of that on whatever forever is forever is for me.

Thank God Almighty I Am Sober At Last.

And after so many blog posts posting the above line, please understand that I don't particularly care to always post "Thank.....I...…..At Last" at the end of each blog. Please anonymously post your pick of an ending line for some of my blogs.

Thank you for reading.

Sincerely, Ima. S. A.

xo