Hurt throughout last night. Lower back and right hip. Up and down. Sleep and pain. Praying for Jesus' healing touch to relieve my physical pain. Praying Jesus's healing touch to help me understand on how normal men think. How those normal men stand as lions leading their relationship. (Remembering that lions protect the family of cubs and lionesses, while the lionesses are the predominate hunters and providers.) A leader whose back pain prevented me from working today. A lion who is not providing for his own domain. Not succeeding therefore...
Precarious position right now. I have rent for this come month and a repaired vehicle I must use to earn money, and unable to have any ability to do so today. Pain to walk and pain to move. And to that end unceasingly praying that Sweet Jesus heals my injury enough so that I may work in the morning come what may be. Of course no thought of booze I mention since this is supposed to be a sobriety blog, right?
How can I be the Godly leader in any relationship much less the relationship with My Lady, when I have been unable to provide for myself since the first of June because of vehicle and lack of employment options? How can I bee what she needs when I have not been able to make my way along this long long summer. Opportunities to work as I could for my best friend cleaning, downloading files, staffing her office were a blessing for us both.
I am trying so hard to succeed and yet I continue not getting it on how to truly succeed. I continue failing in so many of my sober life and yet I continue trying. Nothing is ever going to rob me of my ability to try until death. And try I will to succeed 1, professionally, 2, personally, 3, relationship-wise, because I will always care about succeeding in all else I attempt with as great a freedom and success as do I and have continued as I have with my sobriety. I am really trying to learn and succeed in all three. I really want to learn how to love better than now I know how.
Even as I type this I have been praying for the healing of my back and for My Lady. Praying to learn how better to love.
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