Lighten Up Life With Humor;^) Jokes About Alcohol:^o Here Goes:^)

1. So three men walked into a bar. The forth man ducked.
2. What do you call one hundred bottles of beer on the wall?  An excellent place to keep them when you're an alcoholic.
3. We never knew he was an alcoholic.  Until he showed up to work sober.
4. The doctor tells the man he can never touch anything alcoholic again.  So he got a divorce.
5. Alcohol is the perfect sovant.  It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
6. Temples are free to enter but still empty.  Pubs charge to enter but are full.  People ignore inner peace and choose to pay for self destruction.
7. All the problems fade before the hangover.
8. You won't drink away the alcoholism.
9. What's the difference between a G-spot and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?  A guy will actually search for the bottle of Jack.
10. Where do monkeys go to drink?  The monkey bars.
11. What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?  A drunk will drink until they pass out.  An alcoholic drinks until the house burns down with them in it.
(This joke is kind of like, "What's the difference between a coke addict and a meth addict?  The coke addict will steal your money.  A meth addict will steal your money and then stay up all night helping you try to find it.")
12. Mayan: "Hey let's drink."  Other Mayan: "I am working on this calendar; but I guess if I don't finish, it won't be the end of the world."
13. If I drink too much that makes me an alcoholic.  So, if I drink too much Fanta, does that make me Fantastic?
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A bear walks into a bar to get a beer and sits down calling out, "Bartender bring me a beer."
Bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this bar."  To which the bear says again, "Bartender bring me a beer."  Again the bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this bar."  To which the bear says while pointing, "Bartender, see that woman sitting in the corner there?  If you don't bring me a beer I am going to eat her here and now."   Again the bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this bar."   And with that the bear stands walks over to the woman and eats every last morsel of her.  "There bartender" said the bear. "Now give me a beer."
The bartender looked at the bear stating, "We don't serve druggies in this bar either."
"Druggie?" the bear roared?
"Yes." said the bartender. "That was a bar-bitch-you-ate."
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 Have a safe weekend.