Chocolate Often Aids During ETOH Withdrawal.

You just have to believe that you are better off sober than you were drunk.  You have the power to break free and take control of your life again.  I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I knew freedom existed beyond what I could not have while a practicing alcoholic.  I finally really and for sure desired freedom and its new path and better future.

I am scared that I will forget the pains I knew while drinking, the further I remain sober.  There is a scar on my bicep of a burn from when I burned myself just a few weeks before I became a sober alcoholic.  Didn't even realize I'd burned myself until the next morning when I saw the seared flesh and suddenly remembered falling backwards when pulling the pan of baked chicken from the 425° oven and the pan hitting and searing me.  Sometimes when I want or need the memories returned, I'll lift my sleeve, look and remember, and then proudly thank God Almighty that I am living another day sober.

Chocolate.  The darker the chocolate the better.  Chocolate reduces the effects of withdrawal from alcohol.  Takes the edge off so to speak.  Really helps.  I found this out after I quit unfortunately.  Tulsa County Jail uses this for inmates having withdrawal because they have found it works.  A sobriety clinic in Taos New Mexico uses chocolate for this effect also.  If'n it's good enough for Inca royalty, then it's sure enough good for sobering alcoholics.
I'll research and write more about other foods which can/may help lesson the effects of of quitting alcohol.

I bid you peace and success each and every minute and hour and day always.

Keep freedom. Unloose Those Chains. Drink water. Drive on.

After mom's death, (which was 43 days after dad’s death) I called a friend of mine who'd served in Afghanistan.  I asked her what military training was regarding comrade’s deaths.  Her response to what they are trained to do was, "Drink water.  Drive on."  In order just to make it successfully to the conclusion of my semester, I really had to keep my focus forward and accomplish the tasks at hand.  Primary amongst my goals was the successful completion of my semester and remain sober.  And so I kept my eyes on the prize, drank water, and drove on.  This must be one of the components in conquering alcoholism.  Leave the body of intoxication behind.  Keep freedom.  Unloose those chains.  Drink water.  Drive on.

On the other-hand…another thought for today.

I have trained and studied about long distance hiking during this millennium, since June of 2013.  Now a friend has shone a light on a 2017 attempt at a thru-hike, i.e. walk 2660+miles in about five and a half weeks.  He will be joining me in this walk.  

He asked about doing a GoFundMe site.  

I asked him what he thought about these as possibilities for our GoFundMe pitch line?

1. "Two Sober. Now Walking 2660 Miles Homeless."

Or...

2. "Two Sober Alcoholics Walking Straight On The PCT."

Or...

3. "Had Too Many Bottles In Front Of “Me”, Which Caused Our Frontal Lobotomy. Now we’re On The PCT."

Or...

4. "Walking Openly Sober On The PCT."

Or...

My Favorite GoFundMe slogan which my future hiking partner suggested is Seriously=> 
5. "Staggering Sober On The PCT.

And we will be blogging with our real names; in other words, we will be outing ourselves as alcoholics; and hopefully walking for Joe Walsh's Facing Addiction   

Sober at last.  Yes Thank God Almighty, I Am Sober At Last.

One Thing Remains.

The one thing that I've learned is that a place, no matter how far and beautiful it is, will only be a place just like any other. Until you share it with someone else.  

The joy of being in a particular place in time which is of beauty is an exquisite and profound realization.  Appreciation which runs so deeply in the soul and conscientiousness of this place encapsulates in our memory brightly.

The one thing that I've learned is that a place, no matter how far and beautiful it is, remains a place unlike any other, when I share it with you.  Sobriety is this place for me.  

I Just Don't Understand.

I just don't understand why every alcoholic doesn't quit, and stay quit and free from alcohol once they have quit, and have tasted the freedom?

I am not so naive as to believe that I could not fail and fall from sobriety.
My resolution is however, firm in knowing I will live sober, doing whatever it takes to remain sober.
I do understand I had to, and have to be honest with myself about being an alcoholic in order to gain and now maintain sobriety.
It is but for me to accept me and mine and show a way for others.

I still wish societies constraints weren't such that there remains no allowable forum to talk openly and without repercussions once we are living soberly.  I just want to publicly hollar at the top of my voice,
"I am sober.  Thank God Almighty I am sober at last!"

But alas, I am consigned to my forum here.
Thank you for reading.
Ima

Pulse Of Life. Sixteen Weeks.

Pulse Of Life...

WOW.  I did not realize as I wrote my last post how much provocative thought I would experience.  I really hadn’t thought about just what exactly I had gone through those first four months, which equals a semester and was my time measure then.  Just making it through my part-time job, trying to study before and after work.  Then I went to class.  Three real classes and one online class.  I had to account for time to work on my online class and I had to attend and do classwork for three classroom classes.  My sleep each night was between bad and worse but, at least I was sober.  Each night I would say The Lord’s Prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayer, and The Serenity Prayer. 

Each Political Science class was brutal for none other than firstly, the professor was so dry and boring that sunshine almost never stuck his head into the room.  Never mind that I had no attention span.  Three times through the semester the professor told us she never posted the class notes online because otherwise nobody would ever show up to her class.  No kidding the students would check each other’s notes to make sure they got it all.  My hand cramped writing notes from each Tuesday evening, flexing my hand during the ten-minute break.   I already mentioned it once however, even a lifelong sober person in class found her to be extremely boring, dry, and uninspiring of a lecturing disseminating provider of information.  Try doing that for the first sixteen weeks of sobriety.  I took an incomplete in this class the week of mom’s dying and completed the paper and test still due in six months.

Sometime after dad died 22 October we watched two history films two weeks in a row.  Both showed pictures of stacks of frozen dead soldiers.  Tough viewing under any circumstances.  OH BOY if there was one day worse in this class it was when we were watching Kamikaze pilots doing shots of Saki before their mission.  I could taste and smell and thought about warm Saki again.  Good thing for three things.  One, I was in a class which always ended on time at10PM and liquor stores close at 9PM.  Two, I was too grateful being sober.  Three, I was also grateful being sober.  I earned an "A" for my semester's only "A". The other three grades were B's.

The week before final’s week is traditionally called, “Dead week.”  Mom died the Friday during my semester’s dead week.  

The Tuesday before mom died I’d spent two full days with her, and who by this point had been returned to her home and bedroom to die. 

I placed my cell phone next to me at my table in class that Tuesday night.  When the professor (Who HATES cell phone usage in class) handed me my test paper I told him, “My mom’s dying right now and if she begins to die I need to go.”  He asked me if I really wanted to be there right then?  I told him that evening before I left mom’s side and attend my history class, mom and I said the Lord’s Prayer together as we always had together for many years.  I told her I needed to go to class.  She nodded yes, and replied, “Yes go.”  Mom was as strong of a supporter and believer in my ability to complete my full-time education and earn my bachelor’s degree as my priest and I were. 

Remember Laughter Again unimpeded.

I Sent These Two Texts Today

Number One: You're intelligent.  Explain why knowing freedom exists, and yet you persist a life in hell?  I love and care about you, knowing you Can make it sober.  Just call me and explain why you persist life in hell?  Then I'd be cool with it also.  I wish I could hug your soul my friend and show you, that you can hug your soul again unimpeded also.

Number Two: You deserve better.  You are killing yourself.  You have much that you must accomplish.  Death is the ultimate of drinking.  I knew death was the ultimate of drinking, yet did not stop.  My mind soul and being was exhausted from years of bullshitting myself that I was fine existing in hell.  I took control knowing freedom existed for my mind soul and being, and I no longer needed to live exhausted bullshitting myself that I was fine existing in hell.  Join me.

Pulse Of Life. It Is What It Is.

Day minus one of sobriety was another day of drinking without abandon.  There was still a little more than a third of a 1.75 litre bottle of my now former best friend vodka remaining.  Inexpensive of course since it's cheap and my consumption was up to 600 milliliters in a three hour period daily.
This vodka drowning period of course came after work, classes, study and writing papers at home.
How else could I justify that I was not an alcoholic?  I was getting up, albeit still drunk, going to work, classes, studying, enjoying the mid-day sobering up and hang-over, writing papers, and with a strong G.P.A. I was an honors student.
I wasn't an alcoholic I told myself.  I was being responsible getting done with what needed to get down before my wasteland began.
Furthering my lie to myself, I had become isolated from friends, family, and society by virtue of drinking at home.  Please understand that I believed that since I didn't drink and drive I was responsible .  My subverted pickled logic reasoned wrongly.

Day minus one of sobriety as I was readying for bed and was sitting on its edge, I was holding the almost empty 1.75 liter bottle of vodka.  So many times over so many years I had prayed to God begging Him to help me get sober and quit drinking.
He kept answering although I was not hearing him telling me to make the jump and that he would catch me and then help me with my walk.
5 August 2012 I swigged the last of the vodka, even though I was probably close to toxicity and death.  My reasoning was since I was quitting, I needed to get rid of the rest of my vodka.

I had jumped into the realm of sobriety bloody well massively intoxicated.

6 August 2014- Day one of sobriety was easy (Not) since my body was thoroughly still poisoned from the previous night.  I still needed to go to work.  I had already fallen down far enough to have blown off my summer classes which I needed to get forgiveness from the Dean for one and withdrawal from the other.  Mr. Responsible Drinker and college student's life had finally crashed into the abyss of alcoholic hell.

Not buying alcohol, nor drinking any alcohol became my goal for that and every subsequent day thereafter, because the road in hell from my alcoholism was no longer a road I could tolerate.
Not to mention besides all of the other bodily signs which I ignored, my splenetic region frequently felt as though Lucifer himself was knifing it with a searing blade.
My desire to graduate successfully was so darned more important than another thrown away minute of not living life.

Day two of sobriety began my days becoming one's with no attention, no memory abilities, and no sleep.

Days three through ten there was more of the same.

Day eleven of sobriety I began my fall 2014 semester to conclude my junior year as a full time non-traditional college student.

Then throw in my dad's diagnosis with terminal cancer in September, and my car being totaled by a woman stoned on Valium and Restoril the same month.  Dad died October of 2014.
Mom's cancer (which she had been fighting for ten months), took a turn for the worse in the beginning of November 2014.  Then Mom died December 2014 (43 days after Dad), on the Friday before final's week (also called "Dead Week).  Mom also died the day before my forth month of sobriety.
And there was more conflict of course with dynamic effects too.

My friends told me I was making excuses about my not having time to attend A.A., or Celebrate Recovery.

I just did not have the time to attend.
I did however desire equally to remain sober,
And graduate with my bachelor's degree.

I was my only accountability partner.
I simply did not have the time to attend any meetings.

Paix. Vrede. Peace.

Merci d'avoir lu "Force dans le fourrage de sobriété." Paix.
S'il vous plaît pardonnez la traduction de Google.

Bedankt voor het lezen "Sterkte in het voer van soberheid." Vrede.
Vergeef Google vertaling.

It's Always Five O'clock Somewhere And Time For Something Else.

Yup.
Word.
It is always five o'clock somewhere, always.
Make it a sober time for yourself.
Take a walk.
Go photograph something.
If you want to exercise risky behaviour, go out to the aerodrome and sign up for a tandem parachute drop.
If you need the endorphin and adrenaline boost and wish to stay grounded, then eat some chili peppers such as the Carolina Reaper, Trinidad Scorpion, or the mild Ghost Chili (Bhut Jolokia). .
Chocolate helps also.
Just stay away from alcohol and remain sober.
Peace.

Doing It Sober Is Doing It Best.

Do it with style and grace.  It's not the end of the world.  It's only sobriety and the beginning of the world again.  Deny everything and you have nothing.  Accept everything and you own the world.

I thank God for helping me stay liberated.  I am the one being carried by those foot prints in the sand.
I miss my mom.  I miss lost relationships.  I do not miss practicing alcoholism.  No happiness, only sorrow.  No joy, only regret.  Know happiness, no sorrow.  Know joy, no regret.

New ways celebrating new days.  Life again is enriching.  Those bumps in the highway of life are smaller with clear vision.  The sadness no less great when it happens, is still infinitely better with sobriety.

Take life.  Make life.  Love yourself again.

Joe Walsh - One Day At A Time (Official Video)

Good music and an awesome lyric.

Stay sober.

Stay Vigilant.

"One Day At A Time"

Well you know,
I was always the first to arrive at the party, ooh!
And the last to leave the scene of the crime
Well it started with a couple of beers,
And it went I dont know how many years,
Like a runaway train headed for the end of the line.

Well I finally got around to admit that I might have a problem.
But I thought it was just too damn big of a mountain to climb.
Well I got down on my knees and said 'Hey!' (la la la)
'I just cant go on livin' this way!' (la la la)

Guess I have to learn to live my life one day at a time.
Oh ya! One day at a time!
Oh ya! One day at a time!

Oh ya! One day at a time!
Oh ya! One day at a time!

Well I finally got around to admit that I was a problem.
When I used to put the blame on everybody's shoulders but mine.
All the friends I used to run with are gone, (la la la)
Lord, I hadn't planned on livin' this long. (la la la)

I have to learn to live my life one day at a time!

It was something it was too blind to see,
I got help from something greater than me...
And I have to learn to live my life one day at a time!

Accepting I Can Change But Only My Sobriety.

I could not accept my own alcoholism until I was honest with myself that I did not want to ever drink again.  One I had the strength to begin I did.  My conviction to remain sober is 100/100, and with due diligence, maintenance, and continual work, I will die a sober alcoholic.

I cannot change that I will die, or where, or when.  I can change how I will die if only slightly.  I will die sober however, whenever, wherever I die.

I cannot change how, where, when, or that my friends will die.  I cannot change if my friends die sober or drunk,  Then only thing I can change is myself.  I can also show them that it is possible to stop drinking and live soberly and very happily in the celebration in this life of sobriety.
However, they themselves must find their way out from the fog and into the brilliant sunshine of sobriety.

Never drinking again is not the end.  It is of course only a beginning through which to enjoy life from again.  Never drinking alcohol again is so little of a never again, considering all of the most excellent and awesome possibilities available to enjoy in living life again.

God grant them the serenity to accept the things that they cannot change.........And the wisdom and sense of humor to know the difference.

Peace for you my friends.  I love you.

An Interview With An Ex-Binge Drinker

This is a good blog too. Click here=>An Interview With An Ex-Binge Drinker

Interesting concept for here which I will explore.

Lighten Up Life With Humor;^) Jokes About Alcohol:^o Here Goes:^)

1. So three men walked into a bar. The forth man ducked.
2. What do you call one hundred bottles of beer on the wall?  An excellent place to keep them when you're an alcoholic.
3. We never knew he was an alcoholic.  Until he showed up to work sober.
4. The doctor tells the man he can never touch anything alcoholic again.  So he got a divorce.
5. Alcohol is the perfect sovant.  It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
6. Temples are free to enter but still empty.  Pubs charge to enter but are full.  People ignore inner peace and choose to pay for self destruction.
7. All the problems fade before the hangover.
8. You won't drink away the alcoholism.
9. What's the difference between a G-spot and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?  A guy will actually search for the bottle of Jack.
10. Where do monkeys go to drink?  The monkey bars.
11. What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?  A drunk will drink until they pass out.  An alcoholic drinks until the house burns down with them in it.
(This joke is kind of like, "What's the difference between a coke addict and a meth addict?  The coke addict will steal your money.  A meth addict will steal your money and then stay up all night helping you try to find it.")
12. Mayan: "Hey let's drink."  Other Mayan: "I am working on this calendar; but I guess if I don't finish, it won't be the end of the world."
13. If I drink too much that makes me an alcoholic.  So, if I drink too much Fanta, does that make me Fantastic?
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A bear walks into a bar to get a beer and sits down calling out, "Bartender bring me a beer."
Bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this bar."  To which the bear says again, "Bartender bring me a beer."  Again the bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this bar."  To which the bear says while pointing, "Bartender, see that woman sitting in the corner there?  If you don't bring me a beer I am going to eat her here and now."   Again the bartender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this bar."   And with that the bear stands walks over to the woman and eats every last morsel of her.  "There bartender" said the bear. "Now give me a beer."
The bartender looked at the bear stating, "We don't serve druggies in this bar either."
"Druggie?" the bear roared?
"Yes." said the bartender. "That was a bar-bitch-you-ate."
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 Have a safe weekend.

Paldies par lasījumā šo emuāru. Spēks lopbarībai un skaidrību. Lūdzu, atvainojiet Google tulkot.

Paldies par lasījumā šo emuāru. Spēks lopbarībai un skaidrību. Lūdzu, atvainojiet Google tulkot.

I Have The Serenity Of Knowing You will Kill Yourself Drinking.

Each short paragraph from the 8 June blog titled, "Quitting Means.....Just Do It," was posted for a many decades friend to read.  They weren't answering my texts and needed to read them.  Please forgive my direct language in that post.  Each brief paragraph was itself a text I sent them.  Only the text sent later which I didn't post and stated;
"I have the serenity of knowing you will kill yourself drinking because there is no way I can do anything to change that.  I love you;" got their attention.
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It is not merely that we love ourself and life, but also that we know why we are living our life that is important.  What it means to open ours eyes alive to another day of possibilities can bring no greater depth than when we begin daily with love.  Always think of others, and of yourself with the possibilities abounding in love.  When in doubt repeat the previous line as necessary.  Peace.

Follow The Forage By Email. Share The Forage. Click On Title, Scroll To Bottom And Leave A Comment.

One of the things I learned while earning my degree is...
When anybody opens a webpage the first place they look consciously and/or subconsciously is to the top left of the page.
That's why I placed "Follow The Forage By Email" submit button where I did LOL;)
Sure hope you will follow the forage.
T.T.F.N.

Neil Armstrong was quoted in an article as saying,
he believed he had only so many heart beats and didn't want to waste them on exercise.

As a once-upon-a-time binge-drinker, now sober alcoholic,
I have had my lifetime share from the world's supply of alcohol.

Tearing Down Walls In Our Lives

--------------------------------------------------

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One side's one thing, 

the other's not.

Change happens, 

melding them.

And wholeness returns.

Eventually.

With continuing work.

Live thenafter is better.

Once those walls in our lives are torn down.

Then wholeness returns.

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One of the wisest things ever told me by one I knew,

was by my sister-in-law's dad.

He told me something to the effect of, 

"Make sure when it's time to pay the bills, 

you pay something to yourself also."

This goes towards everything about one's life;

and especially not monetarily.  

Make sure to reward yourself what's due; and make it special.

Afterall this payment is for you.

Personally my reward is N/A Extra Ginger Beer,

with 17 grams of ginger in every 12 ounce bottle.

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Said.

Done.

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Vielen Dank für meinen Blog zu lesen.

Die Übersetzung von Google. LOL.

Quitting Means Beginning New Thought Processes. Just Do It.

AMENDED 14 June 2016
Your first NEW thought must be that you can accomplish sobriety too.  Make the mental leap into it. Don't think about it...just f*****g do it my dear wonderful friend.  Just f*****g do it.  I love you like the brother I never had…that you never had.

Come on and join me living.  Please don't kill yourself.  You're too f*****g important.  I am going to miss you if you don’t quit my friend. I love you.

Okay I am a cheap mother f****r also. Follow that money you spent on rehab.

You need to see sobriety as the gift it is and the opportunity to grab onto life...stop intellectualizing man...stop saying can't and just do it. I am here for you. Be there for yourself again. You can do this. 

Take the first step to learning thought sober.

Just do it.

**********(Each short paragraph from the 8 June blog titled, "Quitting Means.....Just Do It," was posted for a many decades friend to read.  They weren't answering my texts and needed to read them.  Please forgive my direct language in that post.  Each brief paragraph was itself a text I sent them.  Only the text sent later which I didn't post and stated;
"I have the serenity of knowing you will kill yourself drinking because there is no way I can do anything to change that.  I love you;" got their attention.)**********

I Know You'll Read This

I know you'll read this blog again Person X.  You asked me how I do "it"?  Remain sober?
You gotta want and desire it more than you want to drink.  Be honest with yourself Person X. Remember the joy of living sober and with vigilance; loving life because.
You gotta separate your physical pain from your mental pain.  You have to learn body pains can be dealt with non-addicting methods.
Person X, you must above all else want sobriety so much more than anything else and nothing else but sobriety first.  So that's my answer my friend.  I pray you figure it out too.  Call me so we may talk more.  I love you.  Now love yourself.  Your life depends upon this.

Please click to share on Google, sign for an email notification, share with others, or leave a comment.

P.S. Please click to share on Google, sign for an email notification (to the left top of this column), share with others, or leave a comment below by clicking on then post's title and then scroll down to near the bottom the word "comments".  Thank you again. Peace.

Vielen Dank für das Lesen, Ehrlichkeit im Futter der Nüchternheit.

Vielen Dank für das Lesen, Ehrlichkeit im Futter der Nüchternheit.   Eine gute Reise in Nüchternheit.

Vă mulțumesc pentru lectură, Onestitate în furajul abstinenței.

Vă mulțumesc pentru lectură, Onestitate în furajul abstinenței.   O călătorie bună de abstinență.

There Is No Right Way To Quit. But Ya Gotta Wanna Be Honest.

The is no magical right way to quit your addiction, whether food, drugs, alcohol, etc. ad nauseum.
For our purposes here let's focus on...say alcohol.  There is no right way to quit alcohol.

If you've quit, you've quit.  How you maintain your quit is personal.  I don't believe there is a right way to quit.  Just that you have.  However, your maintenance will require some fine tuning as to what works best for you.  Some useful points to begin with include:
Honesty- Quit B.S.ing yourself.  Your honestly know where work is, where your doctor is, and where the grocery store is.  Know where your quit is also.  You honestly know that alcohol does not work for you.
Forage- on that information and accept that information.  Be honest with yourself and know alcohol is not good for you anymore and set it aside.  Now that that's done, keep walking.
Relearning- how to think sober is vital.  We learned how to think under the influence of alcohol.  We need to relearn our sober thinking.  Reorder our brain into positive activities, accomplishment, and learn to accept and love ourselves and others happily.
Sobriety- is a celebration of life now possible to enjoy, so just do it.  Looking forward helps us to see the limitless possibilities, and looking behind should only bring us the makings of fine compost.

There is not a right way to quit except for honesty with yourself.  Once you're looking down those double barrels of honesty, just keep on looking and you'll find yourself again.  Honestly!

Twenty-Two Months

Twenty-Two months today.
Attended a Celebrate meeting last night.  Why do people sometimes look shocked when told that I hit the bottom and climbed out from that darkness in hell myself with Jesus's assistance alone and without attending AA or Celebrate first also?  All I know is when I was ready to be honest with myself about myself I began the climb out from the hell of practicing alcoholism and into sobriety.  Now it's just maintenance.

There'll be no candles and celebration at work today; however, I am glowing inside.  Most of my co-workers are unawares about all this.  Wouldn't it be nice if life included support systems everywhere to celebrate more than we allow ourselves to celebrate now?

So today instead of walking about work hiding my practicing alcoholism as I once did; I'll be walking around hiding that I am twenty-two month's sober.  Isn't it ironic..."Like a free ride, when your already there..."

Living with myself, glorious to be living a life of sobriety.  Happy twenty-two months and many more for me.

So My Friend Asked Me

A friend of mine who is struggling to find his ownership with sobriety asked me, "How do you remain sober?"
I told him I needed to think about that and get back with him.  Thinking about why I have been able to maintain sobriety, I only needed think to being a practicing alcoholic for my reply.  I called him and told him I maintain my sobriety because, "I have walked that road in hell, and I'm not walking down it again.

Whenever our walk in life is one of discomfort, and yet we persist knowing we are uncomfortable, we are not ready for necessary change.  Only once we recognize that we are walking in hell and are miserable and wanting change, might we then make changes necessary for something more.  It is then we will understand that we have been surviving a life of merely complacent mediocrity.

It is not just that we need to reorder our thinking about alcohol...but also that we need to reorder our thinking about everything, while we are embracing our sobriety, and learning anew what positive sustaining thoughts mean for our life.

I have walked down that road in hell, and I'm not walking down it again.

Like and Love

Like and love are as inseparable as are one's own set of heart and lungs.
I have a relative who says they love me and yet do not like me.

It took me a lotta drinking to keep myself separated from loving myself enough to live, and yet hate myself enough to not like myself enough to drown the reality of this displeasure.

Never a good thing dividing emotions into quadrants of acceptability,
elsewise we have cleaved apart ourselves into fragments.
Fragments and pieces cannot survive to any useful purpose, much like a cut flower in a vase.

Our alcoholism cleaves our being into terms acceptable unto ourselves;
and too what we have cleaved is fragmental self-acceptability of our whole being.

What-with sobriety we accept our whole-selves.
Acceptance first of ourselves in our wholeness begins the cruckst
and elemental foundation of liking and loving ourselves as once again a whole being.

Like and love are as inseparable as are one's own set of heart and lungs.

New Day Better Way. Sober.

Received my invitation to my child's high school graduation some years back already having been told by them that they'd have no time to see me.  Attended sober of course as I was an end of the day binger.  Text during event and was told by my child they wouldn't have time to see me.  While outside after the event and driving away my child called me wanting to know where I was.  I explained that they had said they had no time to see me however I was turning around immediately.  They told me to never mind and hung up.  Went home and binged.

Received my invitation to my child's university graduation a few month's back.  Received a call first confirming that I would be there, and then informing me they would not have anytime to see me the day of graduation since their mom paid for their university education.  Never mind that I was a university student myself on financial aid and graduating also, altho at a different state institution.  My child wanted me there, however confirmed on several occasions not being able to see me there.  Was on the road by 0700 their graduation morning for the 120+mile one-way drive.  Arrived with ample time and text of my arrival.  While we were texting my child confirmed they would not see or spend anytime with me.  Of course I awaited their change of mind.  Text once more to attempt seeing my child.  Rebuffed again.  After they walked and received their diploma and I hollered out their nickname; and was heard by them...sent another text congratulating them, and once again received a "can't see you" text.

My acquaintance and I left before commencement was over and enjoyed an awesome lunch, and then more great conversation on the 120+mile drive home.  Upon return home at 4pm, I went for a long walk enjoying the immediate beauty of the day.  Rest of the day was awesome also.

Yes it sucked.  One small part of the day that is.  It is what it is.
I was alive and celebrated that as well as being there for my child.
I celebrated time with my friend.
Sober for me that day of just more than 21 months was the only way.
No more excuses.
Just a new day, better way.
Sober.