Awoke startled again and of course could not go back to sleep. At least it was only 30 minutes from alarm time. Thinking about My Best Friend. Trying to accept that we have no forever. Enjoying that we are still spending about the same time together. Trying to reorder my brain quickly enough to move forward for and by myself healthy. Realized that what we have had is a standard beyond exceptional. I am sad. Feel lost that I must move on in life again alone. The tangible takeaway for me that I am blessed by having been in the best relationship of any kind in my life. It remains although no longer as a unity that moves on together, rather separately.
So I awoke praying God to help me accept that this human being for whom I love so greatly, will at some point moving away whatever away is, without me.
So I awoke trying to accept that I have nothing to offer any relationship with any woman. I will work till I die alone. We all die alone, it just would be nice to have a partner to accompany me along the way while enjoying the journey.
Acceptance.
Sadness.
The greatest joy I have ever known.
The greatest loss that I have ever experienced.
So I awoke and began trying to envision what my future looks like now without the woman I love so dearly and I see
Nothing.
Acceptance sure is difficult for me. You see I simply love her that deeply
Acceptance.
Difficult envisioning a future without forever with My Lady.
I awoke sober.
Good morning.
I am sad. Oh so sad.
No comments:
Post a Comment