My Heart Is I Show Her This Love Always.

 

Join me and live in your life unfettered by one milliliter at a time daily too.

I was nearing ETOH toxicity (in the disunity of my last drunkard 21 days, 7 years ago today) from my liver being unable to function properly and the build up of ammonia poisoning my mind. I was not living anymore at this point. I was surviving in the functionality of killing myself one milliliter at a time.

☦Now I'm Living this beautiful life and skid in from its amazingly awesome ride soberly and exclaim profound utterances of joy and wonderment about life, and too Living with liberation celebrating the beginning of and ending of each day soberly; and it is a beautiful wonderment I have God to Praise forever for; first here and then thank Him personally at my time of death still in the freedom of my sobriety.
Join me and live in your life unfettered by one milliliter at a time daily too.
Thank God Almighty I Am Sober At Last.
Join me.

I Awoke At 0437

 Friday, Saturday, Sunday and now Monday night falling asleep and awakening the next morning with soft slow warm tears drawing down my face. And now awakening like I did nine months ago. At least awakening and blogging this will not be read until My Beautiful Loving Best Friend has decided to whether she will be going East or staying here to find her heart's desire. This is a middle of the night blog so pardon my poor everything in writing this. I need to write out something so that I hopefully can go back to sleep soon. 

I am humbled that I know love this rich and deep and pure and I will always want what is best for her because I love her that much. I am blessed by God for knowing her for whatever time I am blessed.

I've learned with a CPAP that crying causes my nose to get stuffy and then I cannot breathe and use mu CPAP. So I hold inside my sorrow until I am so full that my tears flow slowly warmly from my eyes down my cheeks. You see I love her that much.

Well back to bed and hopefully back to sleep.

 

I Am Sad.

I'm Taking A Journey Through My Blog Reminding Myself The Joys I Have In My Living Life Soberly.

 With my memory I usually only need a mnemonic device to remember details. It is much more fun and healthy to remember the greatest of times, especially when you can share them with those you love. A look at an excerpt form the past.

"25 JUNE 2016

One Thing Remains.

The one thing that I've learned is that a place, no matter how far and beautiful it is, will only be a place just like any other. Until you share it with someone else.  

The joy of being in a particular place in time which is of beauty is an exquisite and profound realization.  Appreciation which runs so deeply in the soul and conscientiousness of this place encapsulates in our memory brightly.

The one thing that I've learned is that a place, no matter how far and beautiful it is, remains a place unlike any other, Until I share it with you.  Sobriety is this place for me."

Continuing this on 12 July 2021:

First Written 29 June 2016. And I Still Remember The Pain. I Still Celebrate The Joy Of Freedom From My Pains Of Practicing Alcoholism./

"I am scared that I will forget the pains I knew while drinking the further I remain sober.  There is a scar on my bicep of a burn from when I burned myself just a few weeks before I became a sober alcoholic.  Didn't even realize I'd burned myself until the next morning when I saw the seared flesh and suddenly remembered falling backwards when pulling the pan of baked chicken from the 425° oven and the pan hitting and searing me.  Sometimes when I want or need the memories returned, I lift my sleeve, look and remember, and then proudly thank God Almighty that I am living another day sober."

My Beautiful Lady drew a temporary tattoo over my burn scar several month's ago. It was a pretty scar for the first time ever. Made more beautiful from the love with which sshe sees me from.

Never To Judge As That Is For God.

 Never To Judge As That Is For God.

Never to judge as that is for God.

Always pray for their release.
Always pray for their freedom.
Freedom to own their lives again.

Free to live their lives soberly.

On bended knee I always pray,
Oh God, please be merciful to me.

Please always keep me free soberly.

On bended knee I always pray,
Oh God, you have been merciful to me.
Sober I am finally free.

Free to gain life and to know love
Oh God, you are merciful to me.

Since the follow by email link is going defunct, Please use the follow tab which is in the upper right of the top left column.

 Since the follow by email link is going defunct, Please use the follow tab which is in the upper right of the top left column. That way you can enjoy the same great reading as you do if you right now are following "The Forage" via the follow by email entry.

If this is not clear hopefully one of my regular readers who I know will 411 me please and I will respost with greater clarity.

Some Explanations Of What Neurodiversity: High Functioning Autism (Asperger’s Syndrome) is.

I really wish I was Neurotypical.

Recently I have posted how I am Neurodivergent so here is several links to explain,

Neurotypical vs. Neurodivergent: What’s the Difference?

Neurodiversity

Neurotypical Neurodivergent dichotomy

And Asperger's,

Neurodiversity: High Functioning Autism (Asperger’s Syndrome)

Each Day

 

Each sunrise and sunset such I've known before in life, 

Never have been as bright, 

As since when my heart first discovered hers. 

Every voice I have heard, 

Has never been such serene song, 

As when my ears fill with her music. 

All the faces I have seen, 

Never sparked my totality so full of love, 

As when I look upon her face. 

And I am blessed yes. 

Thank God Almighty, He blessed me with meeting her. 

And I am so ever very grateful. 

Amen.

The WWW. My Deal. Life Of A Sober Alcoholic Who Is Neural-Divergent. 6 Years And 11 Months Sober Today.

 On the 18th of June there were 145 views of this blog. Usual traffic is around 5 or 6.         WOW I wonder where all the folks from France, Germany, The Netherlands, and The USA found my sobriety blog? July 1st there were 5 views also from those 4 countries.

Sure do hate it (and thankful) when memories come to the surface of my assaults. No amount of alcohol ever erased my recall, which was tucked back in the very recess of my memories. It is the feeling of powerlessness. Powerlessness to shift or change the compounded affects from a lifetime of dodgeballing my way away from remembering recessed details.   BAM then recall and dealing with memories (especially remembering yesterday that 5 July was one assault day upon me). Definitely better now to remember and deal with my emotions now, rather than run away from the discomfort of them.  Better to heal and deal so that my relationship with My Lady, The Most Beautiful Woman In The World continues growing stronger (I worry about that).  Booze is not even in consideration. My release from the grasp of overdrinking and into death is complete. Although daily I work on it as all sober alcoholics should do, I am no longer the moth diving towards the flickering light of the alcoholic pounding down the booze candle.

I will be contacting a cousin of mine who chose to separate herself from the rest of the family: that Uncle's side of the family: and asking her if there were other children the Uncle abused? 

Living as a Neural-Divergent now that I know I am such and also an Asperger's person is profound. Realizing events from my past were caused in part and in full by the way my brain thinks SUCKS. Sucks big when I remember the jobs, friends, relationships, possible relationships that I lost or that never came to fruition. My Beautiful Girlfriend says my energy has been down for the past couple of months; and once she shared that, then I realized my mental attention has been working in overdrive to try and not make those mistakes again. My thinking causes me to do things which I think are kind and loving which turn out to be for the receiver to be quite the opposite.  Profoundly sucks that my Neural-Divergence and my Asperger's continues to affect my relationship. 

I spent many years not liking yes hating myself for who I was. Being different from everyone else has its real sucky moments. Being misunderstood and misunderstanding social "norms" and clues leads to sorrow for me sometimes even now.  Not being the man I am supposed to be is profound in the past, now, and in the future.  Not fitting in when I really thought I was trying and doing a great job of fitting in sucks.

I am sober today 6 years and 11 months today. I am grateful for today and my sobriety. I love life and living it without the burdens of practicing alcoholism.  Thank God Almighty I Am Sober. Sober At Last To Live, Learn, Love without the practicing alcoholics impediments.  Never as in this Neural-Divergent Asperger person will never drink alcohol again.  My worse day sober is always better than my best day as a practicing alcoholic.