Ya know it's tough unlearning things I learned and or drank away from remembering why I respond to certain things certain ways. Both from repressed memory of my two childhood assaults, and from unlearning responses learned from may years of living in the household of my dad's. Totalitarian to say the least. Absolute on good days. I had to unlearn those behaviours first while still drinking and after two failed marriages, and then after sobering up. Tough realizations to say the least. And now in the absolutely purest relationship I have experienced in life I am still struggling unlearning old behaviours and responses. Figured out Easter on the way home that my expectation for a holiday has been shaped from dad, both ex-wives who were like my dad, and my most recent and first sober relationship. So boy did I do a big fail in my response with a conversational shift from awesome to a relationship difficulty. I post this for to example that even when things are difficult for me in my relationship, I am growing forward free from any mental encumbrances. Difficult for me to transition and scary to imagine losing this relationship. My personal growth up and away from conditioned responses from once upon a time a long long time ago.
So I am sad and scared that I will not make the grade and rise better, rise good enough to continue building a relationship with My Lady.
Thank God Almighty I Am Sober And Free To Live.
HAPPY 80 MONTHS SOBER ANNIVERARY TO ME.
No comments:
Post a Comment