If'n You'd Told Me Of My Growth, I'd've Laughed Aloud Just Two Months Ago.

 11 weeks today, of being blessed by God with knowing my Dearest Love. 

5 days until my 6 year and 6 month sobriety anniversary. 

Staying sober is for me. Nobody could influence me but me to remain sober. It was me finally being tired of looking up from under the floor of Hell and seeing all the other folks in Hell walking around above me. Just could NOT take another day as a fricking drunk.  Was easy to quit actually. Had to move forward. Did not know what I faced ahead, I just internally knew I could not continue trying to sustain life as a fricking drunk. My life so I may call it as I see it. I just knew there was something better than falling into Hell nightly. I still do not understand white knuckled sobriety. Met a gentleman who after four years of sobriety, still struggles with the demons of his addictions.  I am so blessedly glad that I am free at last from my drunken stupor having nearly drank myself to death. And then I quit. No AA or Celebrate Recovery. And definitely no treatment center. Just sick to nearly honest death of drinking to near death nightly. The emotional up and down of addiction tired me near to death.  And God's blessing of keeping me free and clear from buying any booze after my initial adios to drinking alcohol. 

Through both parent's deaths my first four months of sobriety and I never ever thought of any return to Hell and under.  Just remaining sober. And then right after my 6 year and 9 month sobriety anniversary, God blessed me. I honestly prayed deeply to God for a woman who is a Christian, who is ready for a relationship and that I was able to be the man for the woman He chose to bless me with. And I met My Dearest Love. Her determination in life is to be in a relationship with me but only if I never drink. Now since I never quit drinking for anyone except me, binding myself to my deepest word upon my heart to God that I never break; and never will. I can not ever return to under the floor of Hell. I am in heaven and closer to God than I have ever been. And Then He blesses me to meet My Dearest Sweetness. And grow unto myself tenfold of what I personally was ever able to grow. And My Dearest Love is such a tender loving woman who cares deeply for my growth and much as I car for hers. Personally I know that I am here writing this a way deeper thinking and caring man than I have ever been. And my expression of love to My Love is by acts of love. To vacuum her home's carpet. (And My Love noted to me that I vacuumed her bathroom throw carpets. I explained that I didn't cut corners in our relationship and I wasn't going to cut corners by not vacuuming All of her home.) You know loving and kind and tender tasks to make her life better. In anything I can do for her to build for her a better life. Learning how better provide for her in all ways. This also builds me a better human than I ever was. And And And this brings my heart soaring greater within my chest to such a welling of joy that we have been blessed by God with each other.

Thank God Almighty That I Am Sober. And Growing Deeper. Thank God Almighty.