New Habits Continue Still. Part One.

Around the first of July this year, I delivered groceries to an older gentleman who lives in Government housing.  It was my third delivery of groceries to him.  After he answered the door I brought his groceries into his sixth floor apartment and set them on his kitchen counters. We then spoke about the awesome view he would have of the fireworks display coming up on the forth of July. He shared with me he had lived in the same apartment for twenty years and would probably die there also.  He explained that his doctor had told him he did not have too many more months to live as his health was declining rapidly and this would probably be his last 4th of July. We spoke of a few things more and then I needed to leave and begin shopping my next shop.

Sure did get me to thinking for the first time about how much he and I were similar.  I have no family who cares for me and will be alone as he is when and if I get to be age 80.  Additionally, I drank away anytime I had in order to build a career and a retirement fund. I have nothing financially to plan for with in my retirement than working until I can no more.
Sure did set me in a decline of depression through July and August, and only in these past several weeks have I begun to set myself upright again. NO I have not begun using anything again. I have dealt with my depression slowly and surely and soberly.
I am alone and feel it. I have looked all of this year for a career and not just a job. My days are filled with a sadness which I have never felt before. I will muscle through this as I muscled through earning my recovery and have remained happily sober.
I wish everything I write here was all sunshine and happiness however, life is an interventionist and would not allow me golden thoughts to write right now. 

Finding my way without any close friends to talk with other than my friend in California, and my girlfriend in Austin, has been difficult. I have no friends left here in my hometown who are close enough to talk about this. Those to whom I have reached out to, have other things to do instead of maintaining deep enough contact with me that I may share what I am experiencing and seek their council. So here I am writing this blog to sort out my thoughts and emotions in order to think, write, and then read and review them trying for greater clarity.

I have always persevered and I will do so again this time as well, and I will continue to persevere soberly. Even poor and broke and living in government housing, and dying sober at 80 is better than dying from practicing alcoholism.
I am grateful, delighted, ecstatic, and always thanking God I am sober. While my friend Cory was dying over the course of several weeks from his alcoholism I had some deep reflection about myself. I deserve to die a sober death. Life may feel as though it really sucks right now however, rest assured I enjoy dealing even with the mess of my life sober. I absolutely cannot, will not, ever like totally never go back to drinking.

 PART TWO- Will be a continuation of this writing although I am not sure how much time will elapse before that composition makes it here for all'you'all to read. Hey you know, this is one part of my limited legacy. This is one thing which will remain until the next technology makes this blog obsolete.
Until then rest assured I still THANK GOD ALMIGHTY DAILY THAT I AM TOTALLY SOBER AT LAST.

Peace my readers. May God bless your life also.